Partnering with Families

Making a Call Home

I have been doing this work for a long time, in multiple roles.  I have called uncountable numbers of families for a multitude of reasons.  I have had phone calls that have been incredibly positive, those that have been incredibly difficult, and everything in between.  I am fairly certain that it will never be easy to broach a difficult subject with a parent or guardian, but I am certain that it is always important to do.  And yet, in any place I have worked there is often a prevalent reticence and concern about calling parents or guardians.  This includes places and families that are deemed supportive, and families and places where there has been less support.  And while that reticence is certainly greater when the news to be shared is “bad news”, it also seems to extend  to the sharing of positive news. 

Photo by Quino Al on Unsplash

Understandably, some of the reasons we do not call parents and families, or do not enjoy doing so, is the “one more thing to do” feeling.  The days of teaching are long, we do a lot of talking and interacting with humans, and the thought of adding a phone call of unpredictable length is not a positive one.  But even when the time is there, I have noticed that many, even most, teachers do not call home because it is hard to do. 

Often we are calling a family because we are concerned about something.  Either the student is demonstrating academic concerns, or there have been behavioral concerns, or we are worried about their emotional well being or investment in learning.  None of these are fun conversations to have with families, and all could be received negatively.  But, I encourage you to consider two points. 

1. Each of the concerns listed above is something that it is essential for the family to know.  Imagine that your own child was displaying a concern or something to be worried about while at school, and you were not aware.  We cannot assume that this same behavior is showing up at home, and thus we have an obligation to let their family know. And in the sharing of this information, we gain information that can ultimately help us meet student needs.  

2. It is unlikely that the concern or concerns will disappear magically, or without the work and collaboration of the school and the family. So, it is better to get ahead of the concern, to address it as it begins, before it becomes a larger problem. At that point, you are nearly guaranteed that there will be a negative response, as the parent is surprised and concerned that they were not notified earlier. 

Now that you have decided it is time to call home about a concern, what does that phone call sound like?  

Know that often you will call and not actually reach anyone.  If you call and are not able to reach the parent/guardian, leave a message that is clear and concise.  Let them know that you are calling about a concern you have in class, specifically missed homework or poor performance on assessments, and that you would like to speak to them.  Then, offer some times that you are available.  Since teachers are hard to get a hold of during the day, and playing voicemail tag is not a good use of time, follow up with an email in which you offer those same options for when you can connect. I find it helpful to include in this email a request for them to let me know some good times for this conversation, so that we can set a specific appointment for a call and add it to our calendars. Remember that your goal is not simply to notify the parent of a concern, but to gain their partnership in addressing a concern.  If it takes you two weeks to finally speak, then a small concern becomes a large one, or has become inconsequential.  

Know the facts.  You have reached out to the parent about something you noticed that you think they need to know.  Specifically, how many homework assignments has the student missed over a certain period of time, and how is this different?  What pattern of classroom performance have they started to engage in, and what specifically does this look or sound like?  What assessment information do you have?  Be prepared in some cases for a parent to initially react negatively, perhaps to point the finger back at you, your classroom, or the supports you have/don’t have in place for the student.   While this is intimidating and can make us feel defensive, it is all information that can help the student, and it  helps for us to maintain focus on the simple facts of what we are calling about. And, ideally, through this conversation you can gain some ideas for moving forward in supporting the student.  

Make it clear that you know their child. Start the conversation in a friendly manner, letting the parent know of a conversation you have had with their child that you appreciated, or something interesting you have learned about their child. Of course, this means that you have these conversations with students and know each one as an individual.  If you are calling at the very beginning of the year, you might say, “I have not had the opportunity to get to know him well yet, but I can see that….”.  

Be confident, you are a professional.  Yes, you are calling the person or people who know the student better than anyone, and for much longer than you have known them.  But, you know the student in the classroom, in the context of the work that you have been doing with them this year in school.  Be confident in this knowledge, provide the details about why you are concerned, and ideally this knowledge will be able to mesh with the parental knowledge to help the student move forward.  It is not rare for a student to behave differently in different places, or for a student to tell the parent what they may want to hear, or for a parent to translate and hear only parts of what they want to hear as well.  We are all human, and your role is not to judge those communications but to provide context about what you see and what can be done to help. 

Make a plan. At the end of the conversation, review what was discussed and who is going to be doing what. It helps if you can go into the conversation with some ideas about next steps, but this is not always possible. By the end, decide who is having a conversation with the student, and what next steps each person, including the student, will be taking. It is important that the action plan includes some aspect of a conversation with the student to ensure that the ownership goes where it needs to be.  The action plan cannot simply be what the adults will do, except maybe with our youngest students.  Make sure that you and the parents are in agreement about the next steps, including a date for follow-up and what that will look like.  If the conversation ends before this plan is clearly laid out, send a follow up email acknowledging the conversation and outlining your understanding of the next steps. 

Here is an example.  If you decide that both teacher and parent are going to talk with the child, but the parent/guardian is going to do it first, make sure that is clarified. If both you and the parent are waiting to talk with the child because this was not clear, then the conversation never happens and no progress gets made.  

Despite the number of calls I have made, still, before I pick up the phone I often give myself a pep talk, reminding myself of the importance of this communication.  And I plan what I need to say.  I know it is not always comfortable, especially the start of the conversation.  But I remind myself of the great number of times, most in fact, that the conversation was just fine.  Pleasant even.  And more importantly, of the times that it made a difference in the lives of my students.  And this is my responsibility.

And a note about voicemail, because this will happen. You build yourself up to make a phone call, get everything set and straight in your head, and then get voicemail.  Phew, you think.  I left my message, I have done my part, the ball is in their court.  Partially, yes.  But remember that the point of the conversation is ultimately to address something that will help this student.  Thus, it needs to be addressed.  It is not good enough to say, “I left a voicemail and they never called me back”.  Making sure that you follow up in some way will help you to meet the needs of that student. That is the point after all. 

It seems I am not the only person thinking about this this week! Check out Jack Watson’s Substack too!

How to begin every sensitive conversation with a parent - and why it matters